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This is real now

It is starting to sink in that I have a year ahead of me. Through the event of working my first work-week in a high school setting, it occurs to me that this is my first real job. My commitment is expected to be more than the months of summer. I have a year in this position, and with that, I’m feeling something between exhilaration and terror.

The exhilaration is that I am working with Free Spirit Media. This educational setting is one of my dreams. In it, youth are not taught as objects into which information must be banked, but rather creative instruments that can be enabled by way of handing over cameras and basic skill sets. One of the jargons that I hear commonly in this community of media educators is “youth voice,” and it reminds me that the very basis of our teaching theory will be continually be based on the idea that education is meant to be empowering. I find myself in a role where my job is to hand over the camera and skills, and then guide youth to be both creative and reflective, a precious combination that is at the center of leading youth (especially structurally disadvantaged youth) to a place of learning their deserved power to be subjects of the world around them. It’s already very obvious to me why my goal, similar to other FSM staff, is to facilitate “youth voice,” and also to judge my educational successes based mainly on this crucial criteria.

While I am so inspired, I feel also some pangs of panic. I still feel new, and I realize that I basically will be pushing to stay just one step ahead of the students for the first half of this year: hence the panic. It’s a rather awkward place to be, but I guess that’s the life of a first year teacher.

What’s more is that I realize the huge transition of community that I’m undergoing right at this moment. The good news is that I’m learning a lot about myself. The challenge, however, is that I’m gradually understanding how dependant I am on my home base community. I already see more clearly that I define myself by the people around me, for better or for worse, and after having such a close-knit group at Willamette, I’ve had to face the ‘fish-out-of-water’ reality that has set upon me in Chicago. For example, its weird right now to concretely put my finger on my core sense of humor, how I act around people, my spiritual needs, how I dress, and what I do for fun. Basically just some pretty funny feelings of being slightly lost have come up as a find myself in this whirlwind of newness that is occurring while my community and best friends are not right by my side anymore. I guess some people say the year after college often has a natural outcome of redefining oneself, and I’m beginning to have insight as to what they may be talking about. Though I must admit, I thought it would be more ‘challenge by choice’ rather that this automatic space in which I find myself.

So basically, there is so much going on! I hope this helps you to know me better. It’s still so early in my time here, but then again, so much is happening so fast in each day, and for that reason I feel pretty resolved to pay attention and write about it. I also have some cool reflections about how my ultra-urban experience in my neighborhood is the most community friendly out of anything that I ever experienced in Boise, Salem, or Seattle. Isn’t that interesting? Also, I notice that it’s class related because community doesn’t look the same in Blake’s neighborhood. Interesting, right? It’s a surprise that I’ll be enjoying immensely though, I can already tell! And also, there is so much going on in this city. Free Jazz Fest this weekend, free Andrew Bird concert at Millennium park on Wednesday, and then a bloc party concert coming up with Ratitat, Neko Case (my two-door-down neighbor, did I mention?), and this popular Chicago punk marching band (with my upstairs neighbor, crazy, everyone around me is artsy and famous. So bizarre, I love it!), ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT. I hope I go.

I hope I stay centered. I hope life keeps interesting and all these thoughts continue to be meaningful and life-giving. Thanks for listening. B

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